When you start to like someone, you don’t actually fall in love with them instantly.
The feeling you experience is infatuation.
And infatuation, as much as it feels like an inescapable wall that blocks your view from everything else, will eventually fade.
Most of us who have a crush on someone end up falling more in love with each passing day, not because we’re so helplessly drawn towards that person, but because we voluntarily choose to let that person sink their hooks deeper into our heart.
This world needs more love, not less. Humans need to love more, not less. We need to throw open our arms, even to those who hurt us. Especially to those who hurt us.
Easy for me to say.
Perhaps you’ve been hurt by this person? You want to protect yourself. You want to regain power, dignity, even humanity - which you feel this person took from you?
I can’t walk in your shoes and I won’t pretend to. But I know what it’s like to be hurt by those who knew what they were doing, and those who didn’t. I know what it’s like to be left alone, to be judged unfairly, to be hated or worse, to be nothing.
Is there anything worse than being hurt?
We get hurt in love. We feel like we lose power, dignity and humanity, and we recoil to protect ourselves. When we’re done recoiling, we often lash out, with anger, hate, and ultimately, the absence of love.
This is really important, when you lash out with anger, hate and the absence of love, it is that act, that loses your power, dignity, humanity. Not what this person did to you.
Worse than being nothing, is feeling nothing.
You should recoil, protect yourself, nurse your wounds and get distance from the thing that hurt you. Surround yourself with people and things that love you, actively and loudly.
** Falling in love and its confusions
Sometimes, it’s easy to be confused. A friend or a coworker could be charming and sweet, and before you know it, you may be having an emotional affair with them, or worse, falling head over heels in love with them even though every molecule in your body could be screaming out that you’re going down the wrong path.
And then you try to stop yourself, but each time you try, it only hurts you more. And finally, you choose to give up fighting, and wallow in self pity and misery because you’re in love with someone who’s just so wrong for you, or someone who may never ever love you back the way you love them.
But the truth is, you’re still the one who’s in control of your own life and your own heart. You can choose to walk away from love instead of falling deep in it if you truly choose to.
** But Ask Yourself
1. Is it such a bad idea?
So you’ve made up your mind that falling in love with a particular person, be it a friend or a colleague, is a bad idea.
But what’s your real motive behind walking away. If you want to get over someone and have their hooks loosened from your heart, you need to be very clear about why you choose to let go.
Weigh the pros and the cons. Do you think a long term relationship is impossible? Is there something about this person that just isn’t acceptable by you? Are they dating someone else, or perhaps, already married with kids?
If you want to avoid falling in love with someone, or want to stop loving someone, you need to be very clear about the reasons behind why you’re doing it.
2. Acceptance
You can stop loving someone or avoid falling in love with someone only when you truly accept your reason behind why you can’t ever see a future with this particular person. You have to remember that there are no two ways here, and there should be no space for doubt.
If you want to stop falling in love with someone, you can’t ever do it unless you make up your mind that it is what you want.
You can choose to control your emotions to a certain extent, at least until your mind realizes just what a bad idea falling in love with this person could turn out to be. But you can’t do any of that unless you accept and believe the idea that you don’t want to stay in love with this person.
3. Stop digging your own ditch
You’ve decided to move on, haven’t you? So why do you spend half your day dreaming about this person or wondering what they may be doing right this moment? Remember, the more you think of someone, the more they start to feel like a bigger and inescapable part of your life.
Each time this person flits through your thoughts, push them away. Shake your head, distract yourself and think about something else or someone else. It may seem hard for a few days or a week or so. But very soon, you’d find it really easy to just block this person out of your head!
** Are You Ready
Now let me give you this 13 practical tips to stop yourself from falling in love with someone and prevent yourself from being rejected by whom you love.
#1 Distract yourself.
Don’t let this person control your mind. As difficult as it may seem to stop thinking of this person, it’s definitely doable. Keep yourself distracted with new activities that need your attention. And each time you feel lonely or idle, think about something else that makes you happy.
#2 Don’t be a stalker.
As satisfying as it feels to stay updated on this person’s private life, avoid opening their facebook page every one hour to see if they’ve been up to something. The more you obsess over this person, the bigger the part they’ll play in your life. Try to limit the number of times you stalk them on social media every day, so that eventually you can start to completely ignore them.
#3 Don’t be a people pleaser.
It’s alright to turn down a request or be rude to this person now and then. If you know this person particularly well and they ask you to spend time together frequently, learn to turn them down once in a while. Remember, you’re trying to heal here, and the more time you spend with them, the bigger and deeper your wound would get.
#4 Don’t get too friendly.
Avoid long conversations with this person. And most importantly, completely avoid late night texts or phone calls where both of you share intimate details of each other’s lives. You have to remember that in this case, you aren’t getting friendlier with this person, you’re falling deeper in love and that’s not good at all.
#5 The bad side.
Every one of us has flaws. And one of the best ways to get over someone you love is by constantly focusing on their bad side and picking their flaws. Each time you meet this guy or girl or when you remember them, remember their bad side or the things they say that hurt you. It’ll work a lot better if you could even make a list of reasons behind why you need to stop loving this person, and look at it now and then.
#6 Avoid getting physically intimate.
You may feel like you’re floating on the clouds each time you cuddle up with them or hold their hands. But the moment you walk away from them, you’d come crashing down to the ground. Even if it feels like a stupid thing to do, avoid cozying up with this person. It will do you no good.
#7 Focus on someone else.
Sometimes, the easiest way to get over someone is by getting under someone else. If you’re having a really hard time distracting yourself from the one you love, try to divert your attention to someone else.
It could be a rebound relationship or a bit of flirty banter for a few days. Sometimes, flirting with someone else is by far, the easiest and the most fun way to stop yourself from falling head over heels in love with a particular person.
#8 Distance yourself from them.
This can be particularly painful, especially if you’re working with them or are forced to interact with them on a daily basis. But as difficult as this may be, try to avoid them or keep your distance from them.
#9 Ignore or avoid the attention.
Even if you’re in a stable relationship with someone, flirty attention from someone you fancy or place in high regard can always make you weak in the knees. So if you’re not ready for anything serious or if you want to avoid falling in love with them, avoid the attention at every instance even if it feels good!
#10 Realize the difference.
There’s a difference between falling in love with someone, and finding someone attractive and interesting. Just because you think a guy or a girl is attractive, fun or really wonderful doesn’t mean you love them.
Perhaps, you’ve just assumed that what you feel is love when it could just be admiration. After all, there is nothing wrong in thinking a particular person is wonderful, and there’s no rule that forces you to fall in love with everyone who seems wonderful. For all you know, the happy feeling you experience when you meet this person could just be admiration for them, and not necessarily love.
#11 Your self-respect.
There’s a reason behind why you want to stop yourself from falling in love with this person. And in all probability, it’s a convincing and real reason. So why are you stooping down, behaving like an idiot and losing your self-respect over someone who isn’t good enough for you? You’re worthy of a much better lover and a much better experience from love, and you need to keep that in mind.
#12 Convince yourself.
Wait it out. Infatuation stays alive for only as long as you feed it, with thoughts, emotions and fantasies. If you’ve truly made up your mind that you can’t, or don’t want to, see a future with this person, it’s only a matter of time before the feeling of infatuation starts to disappear.
#13 Talk to this person.
Does this person know you like them, but don’t want to fall for them? If all else fails, talk to this person and tell them just how you feel. And ask this person to help you get over them. Avoid each other and use the no contact rule. It’ll hurt like crazy for a week or two, but beyond that point, almost suddenly, you’ll start to feel a lot better and more in control of your own life.
** In Conclusion
Falling in love is the easiest thing to do, but backing away from it can be extremely painful and slow. But if you use these steps and 13 tips to avoid falling in love with someone to the tee, your recovery from heartache and pain would be a lot faster. And a lot easier too!
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